The Guru Issue 7

After a long and peaceful hibernation The Guru has decided in his great wisdo to descend from the astral plane and one again grace the world's gurologists with his limitless knowledge and slightly misplaced wisdom. The Guru has pondered many things worth pondering during his 6 month hiatus and shall pass on his solution to all life's problems with increasing regularity. Oh happy day! May your hearts and minds receive the nourishment they so desparately desire. Other religions tend to be like the world's fast food outlets, Christianity: McDonalds, Islam: Ali Kebab, Judaism: KFC, Hinduism: noodle Hut. The Guru's teachings are more like Subway, just as accessable, better for you and you get much more value. Sometimes what you get is more than you need. So if you are down in the dumps or feeling like your life has no direction or is lacking some sweet onion sauce never fear! The guru has returned and will provide you with a tasty foot longs worth of advice!

Recently, I managed to clock over 65kmp/h on my brand new Leon Robbins super fast deck! With super fast fast bearings, and super fast bindings. It was sooooooooooo much fun, I felt like I was in an altered state of consciousness as the world whizzed by me in a rapid wave of sound and blurred out colours. However, my euphoria was short lived! I came crashing to earth with an almighty thud, landing on my backside. The stack was one of the most gut wrenching bingles I've ever had, ripping my left butt check one way and the right the other. So painful, I hope to never experience that again. It was worth it though, or at least I thought it was until I developed some green discharge in my pants. This is really embarrassing, its so hard to look cool riding when you have this huge wet spot on your arse, leaving a dirty green stain even after washing. What should I do Guru? Is this punishment for bad hoobankhaki? I need help.

Green discharge isn't as uncommon as it sounds. Especially after an incident such as the one you mentioned, although it must be said, the Guru has never encountered and hopes to never encounter such bodily fluids after a stack. My advice is to get a hose and give yourself a good flush out, maybe even rubbing a bit of disinfectant right up there to eliminate any nasty bacteria which may be causing it. The Guru is a big believer in prevention over cure and therefore suggests that in future you choose wisely those who ride with you. If you are riding with guys from Emerald, green discharge is more than likely to occur. Why do you think its called Emerald afterall?